Today I decided to share info I heard from JJ Richa, Business Consultant with Orange County SBDC.  

 Tips for Success:  

1. Have a passion for what you do. 

2. Project honesty, trustworthiness, and work ethic. 

3. Be flexible, nimble, and stick to your core values.

4. Don't be afraid of failure and don't let it hold you back. 

5. Make timely decisions and don't miss on opportunities. 

6. Take care of yourself as you are the major business asset. 

7. Believe in yourself and the success of your company. 

8. Be tenacious but know when to quit or when to continue. 

9. Accept criticism and admit your mistakes. 

10. Rebound quickly from setbacks or falls.

 Traps to Avoid:  

1.  Business Plans are for Dummies - statements like this hinder your success! 

2. My products/services are so great; everyone will love it - not usually the case! 

3. If I build it, customers will buy; no need for marketing - are you certain? 

4. I don't have any competitors - think about it, maybe there is a reason for it! 

5. I have more features than all the competitors combined - Simple sells! 

6. I'm the first mover - concentrate on differentiating yourself from the rest instead! 

7. I don't have to risk my own money; I'll use other people's money - no skin in the game! 

8. Me, Myself and I - keep your ego aside and concentrate on making money! 

9. I'm small and nimble for the big guys to keep up with me - Really? 

10. Major clients will sign contracts as soon as we open doors - Don't bet your life on it!

Dave asked Dad to hire an accountant, but he constantly refused. He’d always done his own taxes and he said he didn't want to burden an accountant with his piles of paper.  We thought he was probably more than a bit embarrassed, too. 

Dad hadn’t paid his taxes for the last 3 or 4 years, though he had apparently paid his quarterly estimated taxes and applied for extensions.  

I understood a bit about taxes, so I offered to help Dave deal with the IRS, which by this time was sending threatening letters.  

Dave was thankful for the help, so I told him not to bother asking Dad about the taxes anymore.  I just asked him to grab any papers Dad might have so Julie and I could begin to reconstruct the tax years when we visited.  

Dave discussed with Dad the idea of my taking him to see the IRS in person and he liked that because he wanted to explain why he had stopped filing returns.  

Our goal was to get permission for Dave’s CPA to help do Dad’s taxes. But Dad made it abundantly clear that he wouldn't sign returns prepared by anyone we hired.  

During our next visit Julie and I took him to an appointment with the IRS, where they convinced him to sign an IRS form 2848* to allow Dave’s CPA to untangle his tax mess. As a result, his back taxes were finally prepared and ready to sign and a large check to pay off all the back taxes and penalties was submitted..

Note:   When the trash wasn’t picked up for several weeks, Dave discovered that Dad had failed to pay the bill.  And, amazingly, Dave was successful in convincing Dad that if he became a signer on Dad’s checking account, Dave could help to pay the bills. After many conversational battles, Dad agreed. Dave easily paid the bills on-line and I was  a back-up signer. Dad’s finances finally seemed under control…but wait! 

Dave eventually got  Dad to sign off on a partial Power of Attorney, but apparently the IRS would not accept Dave's limited Power of Attorney signature, so they refused the returns and the payments!  We were back to square one, unless Dad signed the returns… 

Dave emailed:

“This opened a can of worms when I had to call it to Dad's attention. He got upset with me for signing them. He threatened me with reporting me to the IRS for this and with opening his mail. He wasn't going to sign the forms! I had him talk to the CPA about it. The conversation went in circles for 1/2 an hour or so. Finally the CPA convinced Dad that he knew what he was doing and he prepared the returns and that Dad should sign.”

 After 8 years, we were finally successful in handling this major financial mess with the IRS and Dad’s taxes were paid. All that was left was the negotiation process to get some of the penalties refunded or reduced due to our Dad’s Dementia and obvious inability to file his taxes. 

Dave never discussed taxes with Dad again.

* The IRS only honors their form 2848 for anyone paying another person’s taxes (including a family member.)

Sponsor a food or activity booth at a community event (Chili Cook-off, 4th of July Celebration, etc.) 

Participate in a parade with quality signage and creative costumes or floats to draw attention to what you have to offer.  Distribute discount flyers/coupons as your "entourage"` passes by.  

Hold a Grand Opening or Anniversary Celebration special promotion and publicize it.  

Write an article for a trade journal or consumer Social Media page/publication/blog or website and become an instant expert in your field.  

Visit several business referral, networking clubs and trade organizations; attend Chamber of Commerce mixers, then join the ones that will best promote your business and offer you the support you need. 

Save your "junk mail" or “junk SM ads” if a particular promotion catches your eye.  This can provide you with samples of ads which you might like to adapt to your business.   

Always participate in free listing opportunities, especially those connected to quality nonprofit organizations. 

Send out a press release or email announcement every time something happens at your company - grand openings/anniversaries, hirings, promotions, when you make a donation,  run a promotion, receive an award , etc. 

Watch your competition for unique things they are doing and try to match it with something equally creative.  Always know what your competition has to offer.  Stay actively "in the game." 

Think big!  Consider skywriting or flying a banner over potential customers (especially good during a large community event - parade, celebration, etc.)  Sponsor or co-sponsor a hot air balloon.

We had just returned to California, when Dave emailed:

“On Dad's way to church today he had a collision with a cow that was in the road. He says the cow ran into him, spun him around and the car went off down a bank into the field - about 50 feet. He was unhurt, but the car has major damage. We don't know about the cow. It ran off.”

Following the incident with the cow, the attorney offered to drop off the estate papers; so Dad wouldn't have to drive 50 miles in bad weather…but Dad flatly refused!  Once his car was repaired, he insisted upon driving himself to the attorney’s office.

Then Dave discovered that his medication was making him sleepy, causing us additional driving concerns. He wasn’t on any other medications, so we thought the driving issues had been resolved, but…

Five months later, Dave’s Office Manager said several neighbors told her about some of the near misses they had witnessed.

Simultaneously, Dave discovered that his doctor had added another medication.  In researching the side effects of this new drug, Dave found that it can cause permanent loss of mental capacity. He discussed this with Dad and suggested he make a choice between continuing to drive and taking the new med.  Dad immediately denied having any loss of mental capacity.

Then Dad was diagnosed with Cataracts, which leads to a decrease in vision and he was told that he should not be driving at night.

By January, Dad had begun driving after dark again. He would get up at noon, have lunch, take a nap then go into town in the late afternoon. As a result, he didn't have enough time to get back before dark. Dave offered to come pick him up, but Dad never called.

Dave shared that our normally law abiding father had been stopped by the police twice, because of his erratic nighttime driving. They called Dave to come get Dad.

Armed with this new information, Dave took the keys away from Dad, whenever he noticed that he wasn't fit to drive.  Dad got very upset that Dave was interfering with his life.

Finally Dave had to give him an ultimatum. If the police called him to rescue Dad again, he would request that they suspend his license…

On top of this, Dad received his first speeding ticket ever! His explanation…he was simply following the car in front of him, going at the same speed. He seemed to have an excuse for everything!

Dave had become so desperate over Dad’s driving that he asked for my help, so I emailed the following to the NY State DMV: 

“My brother and 93 year old elderly Dad live together in upstate NY.  I am in CA. My brother has finally decided that Dad has had too many accidents, a speeding ticket and other driving problems to be safe on the road.  His driving has already been restricted to daylight driving only. He barely passed his driving test a few months ago. Is there a way to ANONYMOUSLY report a parent who is now an unsafe driver due to age?”

 They explained that Dad needed another Driver Review.  They wouldn't just take away his license.  We hoped this would make him finally listen to Dave about his driving. 

 Dave responded with more details of Dad’s latest accident…

 “Dad went into a ditch on today. This time he had no excuses. The weather was clear and it was in the daytime. He was headed north, so the sun could not have been in his eyes. He said something about the speed limit change and a curve. It made no sense to me. Yes, the road turns there and the speed limit changes, but so what!  Someone beat us to the punch in reporting him. There are others trying to get him to give up driving. I am trying to get him to stop voluntarily, before he is forced to. I told him that I would take him to his Driver Review Road Test. I reminded him that they would ask both of us questions. I told him I will answer their questions truthfully and completely and I will not cover for him. So, now he says he will arrange for someone else to go with him to the Road Test…”

 Dave sent me an email update:

 “Dad hasn't gone anywhere all week, since we picked up his car at the body shop. As a result of the letter he received (from the DMV), I gave him a lecture and asked him to voluntarily stop driving and he seems to be moving again on matters of the estate and Jon's affairs (our younger brother). He’s really very depressed about the possibility of losing his license. I talked with him this AM about home care having a driving service. He was very enthusiastic about it. He didn't know such a service was available. He is willing to use it.”

 A month later Dave’s email said:

 ”Dad failed his Road Test. He insisted that he didn't have the right paperwork from his doctor. He drove all the way to his doctor’s office to get it. By the time he got to the DMV, he was too tired. He was also constipated and feeling poorly. So, he failed to parallel park properly.”

Dad remained hopeful that he would get his license back, though none of us wanted him driving and we all knew he shouldn't be.

I remember thinking, “I’m sorry Dad, but that’s just not going to happen!”

1. Sponsor a community youth sports team and splash your logo and company name on uniforms and signs on the field. (Things are opening up, so grab your opportunity now!)

2. Join a local service club and become very active in your volunteer efforts. 

3. Offer to sell tickets for a nonprofit organization and be sure your name, company, phone and sometimes address appears as a supporter in their publicity. 

4. Offer to be a drop off point for programs such as "Toys for Tots".  Encourage nonprofit organizations to use your premises for things like car washes and give them quality signs to advertise it. 

5. Donate something to a nonprofit cause and ask to be recognized as a donor. (Fundraising events should begin again soon.) 

6. Participate in discount or coupon programs that bring in new customers, especially those benefiting nonprofit causes. 

7. Look like a "good guy" -- offer a percentage of your proceeds to a specific nonprofit cause and insert details about the program in all your ads and publicity. (NOTE: Our company supports BridgeofHope,Inc.) 

8. Offer yourself as a free public speaker for local service clubs and other organizations in need of speakers. (This makes you a respected expert in your field.) 

9. Look for innovative ways to improve your community.  In California our state highways authority (Cal Trans) allows companies to sponsor a section of highway to keep it free of litter. 

10. Let nonprofit groups distribute flyers about their organization or an upcoming fundraiser or, better yet , put one of their flyers in customer's packages as they leave your store.   Also let organizations place their posters in your window.

As soon as I heard about Mom’s stroke, Julie and I made arrangements to fly back East. We traveled through the night, arriving as soon as we could, but we were too late…

Mom had just succumbed to her stroke.

So we switched gears to help Dad make funeral arrangements.  Julie was extremely helpful in doing Internet research, so we knew exactly how to help Dad.

Dad confessed that he had not finished writing Mom’s will.  He was feeling remorseful and guilty since, for whatever reason, he had not done it. As we explored the ramifications, we discovered everything had been put into Mom’s name.

I got Dad’s permission to donate Mom’s clothing and personal belongings before we left. My only regret came when Dad asked me where Mom’s bathrobe was.  He missed seeing it on the back of the bathroom door. 

Mom’s dying without a will complicated things (New York is not a community property state), but as a former attorney it made sense that Dad would serve as the Administrator of her estate.

Dad seemed to be falling apart with the stress of losing his wife of almost 62 years and the responsibility of settling her estate.

Following her death, he felt helpless and lost not only emotionally, but also financially.  He was struggling to figure out our mother’s estate and, in the process, irrationally saw a lack of funds.  It probably didn’t help that he was behind on his taxes.

During our second visit that year, Julie slowly obtained Dad’s permission to file his papers. A trusting relationship was developing between them.  This often happens with grandparents and grandchildren and I think Dad still saw me as the rebellious 16 year old I had been 45 years before!  This is common.  Senior parents may be very proud of their accomplished children, but it is often difficult for them to see their offspring as the professionals that they have become. As parents age, a role reversal begins taking place.

In any case, Dad was very protective of his filing system (all over the floor and couches on one side of the living room.)  He remained secretive and protective of his finances, making it very difficult for us to be of any real help.

Julie slowly began organizing Dad’s mail and important papers, so he could begin on his taxes.  He had always done his own taxes, but Mom’s death seemed to have disturbed his process of filing for extensions, etc.

As our visits became more frequent, we began sorting through the legal issues involved in settling the estate and the back taxes Dad had failed to file. This was all complicated further by Dad’s extreme privacy about his financial affairs and complete lack of a filing system…

We were finally able to settle Mom’s estate.  However, shortly after setting the estate Dad's confusion, which had improved greatly, took a turn for the worse.  It was almost as if he had held himself together to get things done and then just fell apart.

Emails from brother Dave began describing episodes of confusion and disturbing behavior.

 “Dad has been making an absolute disaster of the house! I can't find the records to give to the accountant. Tough to schedule a caregiver because Dad does not sleep on any kind of schedule. It's a 50/50 chance he will be asleep or awake at any given moment. 

I received the packet of info from the Geriatric Care Manager with the symptoms of Dementia. Dad is exhibiting a large number of the symptoms - 70% of Mild symptoms, 50% of Moderate symptoms and 30% of severe symptoms.” 

During our May 2012 visit we noticed that Dad had become mellower and more compliant – still refused to use a walker, wheelchair or the motor cart in Walmart. He moved very slowly with a bit of a shuffle. He was often fixated on issues. 

He clearly used coping methods during the Geriatric Care Manager’s evaluation.  When asked today’s date, he requested his newspaper.  He confused relationships between Julie and me (granddaughter, daughter.)

Very, very tough visit, but we got a lot accomplished.

Prior to leaving for California, I set things in motion for Dad’s personal care from a caregiver …

Being a stay-at-home mom is anything but easy! Heck, being a mom in general is tough—but I have come to learn a lot since becoming a mother.

I am a stay-at-home mom to my fifteen-month-old son. I have grown to love staying at home with him but believe me, there were days that I wanted to go back to work and have my mother or a nanny take care of my son while I worked.

When my son was only a few months old, he was easy to take care of. I could leave him in his bassinet and he would stay there at least for an hour while I got things done. Once he became more active and mobile is when I was constantly after him making sure he wouldn’t get hurt or get into anything he wasn’t supposed to. He also became more fussy and demanding while I got impatient and frustrated at times.

I know I don’t have a lot of experience yet as a mother but from the experience I do have, I have come up with some tips on how to stay sane and actually enjoy being a stay-at-home mom. Learning from mistakes I made in the past, I’ve developed new habits and made some changes that have helped me become a more patient, loving and attentive parent.

Here are my 10 tips and tricks I’ve learned and applied to my daily life to help me stay sane as a stay-at-home mom.

1. Staying Organized

Motherhood is already messy and it can become messier when we don’t have structure and organization in our daily lives. I remember waking up next to my son after his morning nap looking at the time and feeling like I wasted the morning sleeping or just scrolling through my feed on Instagram. I was tired of the cycle of feeling like I was wasting time and not getting much done.

I finally decided to start planning out my day. I got myself a nifty little planner and wrote out the activities for the day. I loved it! I loved having my planner there to remind me of what was next. Now I’m not saying it all goes as planned because life with children is so unpredictable sometimes but for the most part, I followed through with my planner and had a set time for each activity. I even made it a goal to exercise daily and I find myself feeling great and very productive!

2. Wake Up Early

I know this one may be a tough task to accomplish especially if your little one still wakes up at night, but making an effort to wake up a little earlier than your spouse and baby gives you time to yourself to catch up on reading, drink your coffee (while its still hot), workout or whatever you want to do.

I like waking up an hour before my son wakes up. I have my cup of coffee while I read The Word. This sets the tone for the rest of the day. I enjoy listening to worship music while reading The Bible and having some quiet time before the chaos begins.

3. Exercise

Did you know that when you exercise your body releases endorphins that make you feel good? Yep. I experience that every time I workout. Since the beginning of 2018, I have made it a goal to exercise at least four times a week. Not only am I getting back in shape but I feel more energized and happy because I know that I did something good for myself.

Getting that workout in each day is like having “me time” even if it is only for thirty minutes. I can assure you that getting some exercise each day will elevate your mood.

4. Take a Break

You are not weak if you ask the grandparents or a babysitter to watch the kids for a few hours while you go get a pedicure, run some errands or do some shopping. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. We all need help sometimes!

Taking a short break even if it’s for two hours will help you relax, take a breather and relieve some stress. Parenting comes with many challenges and we can’t always face those challenges on our own. I’m so thankful for grandparents because they are always willing to babysit for occasional date nights or whatever need may arise.

5. Keep a Journal

Writing has always been something I have loved to do! I have many journals filled with thoughts, dreams, prayers and revelations The Lord has given me. What I can’t express verbally, I do it in writing and I find that it brings me some relief writing my thoughts down. If you had a tough day, write it down. Years later you can look back on those hard times and be thankful that they were only for a season. I like writing letters to God because He alone gives us the strength we need to live each day. Journal what’s important to you.

6. Find a Hobby

I took it upon myself to start learning how to play the guitar this year. My husband plays, I sing and I have always wanted to raise a family where we are musically inclined and talented. While my toddler is busy playing or is entertained, I practice at least thirty to forty minutes a day.

I have already learned some chords and am excited to continue learning. Not only is it fun, but learning something new makes you feel productive and just great overall.

7. Spend Time With Other Moms

Spending time with other moms is another way to relieve some stress the day may bring. Go grab some coffee with a friend and just chat and catch up. When mothers unite, we can encourage each other when we face certain challenges.

We have common ground and an understanding of what it is like being a parent. Now I’m not saying to go to someone just to vent or complain but to genuinely build strong friendships with other women will really help you in the journey of motherhood.

8. Get Out of the House

It can get tiring for mom and baby to always be at home. There will always be things to do around the house: there will always be dishes to wash, laundry to do, trash to take out, crumbs to sweep off the floor, etc.

I like going for a walk with my son when the weather is nice. We get some sunshine and fresh air and enjoy being out of the house. Taking the kids to the park will also give you a little break from housework. Not to mention, they will get worn out doing all that running and playing which might result in a nap once you get home.

9. Get Ready

I have always struggled to get ready even when my son was a few months old. I was either too lazy or the moment I attempted to get ready, my baby would cry for my attention. Some days I lived in my pajamas but I also felt extremely unproductive when I didn’t make an effort to get ready.

I try my best to get ready every day after my workout now. Even if I only apply a little makeup and get dressed, I feel put together and ready for the day. Plus, if you have to go somewhere all of the sudden, you will be ready to head out the door.

Yes, I understand that it is hard and I even found myself applying mascara while holding my baby at times (whatever works for you). Now that he is a toddler, I let him cry for a bit because sometimes there is just no way around it.

10. Count Your Blessings

Sometimes, we can fall prey to whining and complain when our children are fussy or when they throw a temper tantrum or make a huge mess. Sometimes our emotions will match our child’s emotions but it shouldn’t be that way.

In moments when you feel like you have it hard and that no one understands you, remember that there are so many mothers out there that wish they could stay home and raise their children, but can’t. It’s going to be hard and frustrating but it is a blessing to be a stay-at-home mom because you are raising your child the way that you want.

You do not have to worry about what your kids are learning and picking up if other people take care of them. You have the opportunity to mold your child and watch all of their milestones when you stay at home with them. Remember to try and have a grateful heart.

 ABOUT THE WRITER

Nallely Rodriguez

Born and raised in Texas. Married to a hard-working loving man. Stay-at-home mom to a sixteen-month-old son. I'm a believer and am saved by His grace. Aspiring author to blog, Running on Caffeine and a coffee lover. I enjoy encouraging mothers on the journey of motherhood. 

Families can save money to help their parents handle their expenses.  These are five hints for seniors, which can also apply to their families.

Take recycling to new levels and make unique craft items, reuse containers, use scraps of yarn and fabric, etc. Make it a special project to do with the grandchildren.  Grandparents can also help save containers for grandchildren’s school projects.  (This allows seniors to feel like they are being helpful and needed.)

My mother showed me how to fold up and re-use tin foil! (She survived The Great Depression.)  Remember that saving even a few pennies on many things can add up to substantial savings.

Explore sharing and borrowing.  Go in with neighbors for things you can share.  Share movies, books, video games, etc. Getting to know your neighbors is a good thing anyway! (This has been especially important during Covid 19.)

Always ask for the Senior Discount (note this can begin happening as early as age 50!).  Use 2 for 1 coupons and go with a friend.  Drink flavored water instead of (unhealthy) soda!

Don’t forget to bargain, haggle, and negotiate.  There is no shame in doing it.  It’s done every day in other countries.  Check the Internet for the best price and ask if the brick and mortar store will match the price.  The key is to talk with the manager/owner (the person with the authority to say “yes”) and be very polite and patient.

Watch for more money saving techniques in future blogs.

Written by Christopher Curley on April 23, 2020 — Fact checked by Dana K. Cassell

Experts say new parents need to share the load with child-raising and housework. They should also seek virtual assistance from family and friends. Getty Images

• Experts say COVID-19 sheltering in place has added more burdens on the parents of new babies.

• They say it’s important for new parents to seek out virtual assistance from friends and family.

• They also advise that friends and family can develop meal trains to drop off food.

• Experts also urge new parents to practice self-care and share the load with child-raising and housework.

All data and statistics are based on publicly available data at the time of publication. Some information may be out of date. Visit our coronavirus hub and follow our live updates page for the most recent information on the COVID-19 outbreak.

New parenthood, especially the first year or two after a baby is born, can have a severe effect on one’s happiness and quality of life.

Furthermore, the depth of the challenges of the first birth experience can have a significant effect on parents’ likelihood of having additional children, research shows.

All of that was true before the COVID-19 pandemic.

Now, new mothers and fathers have been forced to physically distance themselves from friends and family for their safety.

In doing so, these new parents are losing critical early postpartum support they might have had otherwise.

“Parenting today is already much harder than it used to be,” said Dr. Harvey Karp, FAAP, the CEO of Happiest Baby and author of “The Happiest Baby on the Block.”

“In the past, parents could rely on their extended families — literal villages — to share some of the parenting load. Today, we think of having a nanny as a luxury, but the reality is that in centuries past, no couple ever had to do baby care all on their own. Families always had the support of several helpers,” Karp said.

“That level of support has evaporated over time, leaving parents with the totally false idea that normal parents are supposed to do all this on their own,” Karp told Healthline. “And now with shelter in place, we’ve almost totally lost the option to invite others over to hold the baby or help cook a meal.”

(NOTE:  This is where our Mom Friends Groups of Encouragement Led By A Mentor Mom© are helpful. Please check menu above for further information.)

Self-isolation could also increase risks of postpartum depression and anxiety, experts say.

“We know that isolation and increased stress can trigger perinatal depression and anxiety. As can decreased wages, job loss, and lack of school support for other kids at home round out the stresses that can cause new parents (including fathers) depression and anxiety,” said Dr. Jonathan Goldfinger, an advisor to California’s surgeon general and the California Department of Health Care Services, as well as the senior physician adviser and medical director at Mahmee.

“This is why it’s so important to focus on parents’ mental and behavioral health both during shelter in place and once we begin the important but likely prolonged process of reengaging in person as a society,” Goldfinger told Healthline.

Virtual resources and self-care 

Focusing on mental health and social support at a time of self-isolation means turning to telehealth and virtual communities to replace those in-person interactions.

“During shelter in place, I’ve been working with new families and their village of support to have their needs met creatively or in the virtual space,” said Greer Kirshenbaum, PhD, a neuroscientist and doula whose company, Nurture Neuroscience, focuses on “creating layers of support for families” in the postpartum period.

Here are some action steps she suggests:

• To meet the need for lactation support, lactation consultants are doing virtual appointments and hosting daily lactation support groups online.

• Organize a meal train for families where loved ones can drop off meals to the family’s door or order takeout for the family.

• Create a “social meal train” to meet the socialization need for families, such as scheduling regular Zoom calls with family and friends. New families can also join online parent groups, parent and baby groups, music groups, and sleep support groups.

• Families and friends can send thoughtful gifts for baby and for parents to “show love from afar.”

• For self-care, encourage parents to spend 10 minutes a day for themselves. This can be as simple as a few minutes alone reading, breathing, or speaking to a loved one.

“With both partners at home, it’s more essential for both partners to have some alone time. During the pandemic, we can’t rely on people or programs to give us time for ourselves, and it’s necessary,” Kirshenbaum told Healthline.

In addition to these steps, several online services, such as boober and Phoebe, offer virtual postpartum resources that parents can access, including mental health support.

“All providers are currently virtual due to COVID-19,” Jada Shapiro, founder of boober, told Healthline. “Boober fast-tracked mental health therapists knowing there would be significantly more anxiety at this time, and has seen an uptick of people who have never seen a therapist before reaching out for support and help to get through these uncertain and stressful times.”

Susan Geffen’s Featured Article from her e-Newsletter Magazine, Nov 2012

Multigenerational Households

According to U.S. Census Bureau, the number of multigenerational households has grown by 60% since 1990.  

 The Pew Research Center has reported that one in eight Americans between the ages of 40 and 60 is now caring for a parent at home. This is partly attributable to the recent economic downturn that has affected both baby boomers that see failing pensions and higher healthcare costs as well as college graduates who cannot afford their student debt and housing.  

 There are cultural reasons for this demographic trend as well. There is an increase in the numbers of Latino and Asian households in the United States - both native-born and immigrant, who have been culturally indoctrinated into traditions of caring for young and old in multigenerational settings.

And then there is love. In this month's video (above), you have an opportunity to see a family, ages 8-80 that are doing so for love; the pure and beautifully simple desire to be in it together. Each member of this family in their own way expressed that living to together has enhanced family bonds and relationships. Importantly, studies that have demonstrated that older adults who engage with children have numerous positive outcomes, including decreased depression, better health, and a renewed sense of purpose. 

 (Click here to see the rest of this article) 

A while ago my Pastor focused on “A Vision for Families”.He pointed out that the people closest to our children, those who interact with them daily, have the greatest impact on them. Is that you or have you relinquished your childrearing to others? I believe so firmly that children need at least one parent available on a moment by moment basis if it’s at all possible.

You have probably had a good opportunity to be with your kids during the current Covid 19 isolation. And, admittedly, because this was forced upon you and you lacked the preparation for what would come; it has not been easy! I’m sure there have been days that you and your children had some tough times spending so much time together. But, I imagine you have also had some wonderful days getting to know each other better.

For years I have been passionate about making it possible for parents to choose to be stay at home parents (SAHP).  My husband and I did it ourselves. Now, our grandchildren have all been raised by a SAHP. Our kids saw the value in this and they made the sacrifices needed to accomplish it as goal for their families.

I pray you have not lost jobs during the shutdown or experienced financial consequences, but maybe this makes it the perfect time to consider all your options as we move toward the workplace once again. Perhaps, even if there has been a job loss, this makes it the perfect time to consider SAHP on a permanent basis.

Quit Your Job! You Really Can Afford Stay at Home Parenthood was written with tears of joy and sadness, sprinkled with happy smiles as I share heartwarming and humorous times making it as fun to read as it is informative. It can help you decide if this is possible for your own family. Of course, you need to find ways to make money, but learning to save money is the best way to start. This valuable resource will open your eyes to the real costs of having a dual income family where both parents have full time careers outside their home. It will introduce you to methods of cutting expenses, as well as, other information related to parenting,  money saving techniques and homebased business creation. For the first time parents have what they need to plan and change their families for the better – all in one place. This Bibically-based book effectively ties everything together to encourage families to prepare for a new day, a new season – a new normal.

Now is the time…

The Bible tells us to teach our children to love God with all their hearts (Deut. 6:5-7), which begs the question who is introducing your kids to their Maker?  Children need to be taught how to obey God,  because, as my Pastor reminded us, “our children’s rebellious hearts need to be softened toward God.”

So, another question emerges. Are those who care for your children doing this?

Honestly, I believe the only way parents can do this is to have one loving parent at home 24/7. Please, at least consider it, for your family.

Many women get started in business by accident, without a plan.  Perhaps, you make a piece of jewelry and all your friends want you to make one for them and they offer to pay you for your creation. You experiment with more pieces and suddenly everyone seems to want your jewelry.  You love making jewelry and you excitedly start your business.

While you might make money doing this, at some point your business may fail because it wasn’t started as a business in the first place.

Successful businesses start with planning, but unless you are looking for a business loan you probably don’t need a huge, formal business plan.  But, you do need a plan of some sort!

You need something to guide you through your daily activities to avoid stress, move your business forward and continue to have fun doing it.

A quick read of my January 21, 2021 blog Goal Setting for 2021 Jeanne Gormick could be helpful.

I also recommend a call to your local Small Business Administration office. They offer free seminars and services to increase your chances of success.

To get you started on the right foot, the following is an excerpt from my book See Dick and Jane Start a Homebased Business.

 (Chapter 1)

See Dick and Jane Do Their Homework...

Dick and Jane want to sell Widgets. See Jane file the “fictitious name statement."

See Dick call the city to get the business license. Dick and Jane are married.  They decide to run their business as sole proprietors.

They want to save money, so they will use a home office.

 …See Dick and Jane talk to their insurance professional about liability insurance and get a rider on their homeowner policy to cover the business equipment.

See Dick and Jane talk to their tax, legal and banking professionals.

…See Dick and Jane write down their goals.  If they don't have goals, they won't know where they are going.  They need to know where they are going. …See Dick and Jane decide important business goals to make their family better.

 …See Dick get a book to help them understand a business plan.  See Dick and Jane have a written business plan.

To Continue Reading See Dick and Jane Start A Homebased Business

Apr 28, 2020

By Rebecca Parlakian Senior Director of Programs 202 857-2976 rparlakian@zerotothree.org

If you imagine this change may be harder for your child after months of “just you,” you are probably right.

Your young child has just had months of time with you at home. Most likely, there have been no other caregivers outside of your own family, due to shelter-in-place guidelines. But now—as communities begin to re-open—you may be facing a major transition for your family: Heading back to child care. If you imagine this change may be harder for your child after months of “just you,” you are probably right.

Here are some tips for managing the preschool transition post-COVID:

Remember that this is not just a regular transition back to school. Your family went through a tough time. You managed a lot of stressors—balancing work and family demands, financial concerns, worries about illness. Even very young children sense when there is stress in the household. Your child has managed this period of confusing changes and now they are encountering yet another big transition—going back to child care. Stress adds up and our resilience can be run down over time. Your sensitivity and patience are key ingredients for helping your child make a successful move back to their care setting.

Your worries are important. As communities re-open, you may have concerns about the safety of your child’s child care program. Many parents are feeling this way. Talk to your child’s teacher and the program director to learn what procedures they are using to keep children safe and healthy.

Use pretend play to explore the routines of preschool or child care with your toddler. Take turns being the parent, child, and teacher. Act out common daily routines, like saying good-bye to mommy and/or daddy, taking off your coat, singing songs, reading stories, having Circle Time, and playing outside.

Read books about child care. If you’re able to access a public library (or online stories), choose a few titles about going to preschool or child care. Talk about the story and how the characters are feeling. Ask how your child is feeling (excited, scared, worried, happy?). Check out titles like The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn, I Love You All Day Long by Francesca Rusackas, Bye-Bye Time by Elizabeth Verdick, or Llama Llama Misses Mama by Anna Dewdney.

Listen to your child’s worries. It’s tempting to quickly reassure your child and move on, but when you listen and respond to children’s worries, they feel safe and supported. Explain that starting something new can bring up worries and questions and that lots of people feel that way. It can also be helpful to share a time when you started something new and how you felt.

Suggest coping strategies. When you allow your child to share her worries, you can help her think through how to deal with them. For example, if she is worried about missing you, the two of you can make a book of family photos to keep in her cubby and look at when she is lonely.

Notice nonverbal messages. Most 2- and 3-year-olds are not able to use language to fully explain how they are feeling. Your child may “act out” his worry by clinging, becoming withdrawn or more fussy, or by being more aggressive. Another common reaction is for children to begin using more “baby-like” behaviors. For example, if your child is fully potty trained, he may start have toileting accidents. He may ask that you feed or dress him even though he can do these things by himself.

It’s natural to be frustrated by this return-to-baby behavior. But by meeting your child’s need for nurturing with love and patience, you’ll find they soon return to their “big kid” behavior. Remember that your child is facing—and managing—a big change in their life. They may need more support from you during this transition.

Get back into the routines of bedtimes and waking times. The transition to child care is easier when you are not also dealing with an tired, cranky little one. In the week before your return to your child’s program, begin to use “school night” bedtimes and wake-up times so that everyone can get back into the child care routine.

When your child starts back, ask whether there is a new drop-off routine. Because of new health screening and sanitizing requirements, you may not be able to stay with your child to help them transition during morning drop-off. Talk to your provider about new drop-off procedures and ask if it will be possible to have a teacher stay with your child to help them with the separation.

Consider letting your child bring a special object from home. Does your child have a favorite stuffed animal or blanket that offers comfort? Check with your child care program to confirm your child can bring this object from home. A favorite teddy bear can ease the transition when you say good-bye at drop-off. A family photo in your child’s cubby can also be comforting.

Talk with your child’s teacher about how you soothe your child. When teachers use similar comfort methods, babies and toddlers feel more safe and “at-home” in the child care setting.

Keep your tone positive and upbeat. Children pick up on the reactions of the trusted adults in their lives. So try not to look worried or sad, and don’t linger too long when it’s time to go. Say a quick, upbeat good-bye and reassure your child that all will be well.

Think about creating a special good-bye routine. For example, you can give your child a kiss on the palm to “hold” all day long. Or, the two of you can sing a special song together before you leave. Good-bye routines are comforting to children and help them understand and prepare for what will happen next.

This hasn’t been an easy few months, but the return to child care is one sign that life is going back to (a new) normal. Supporting your child through this process—staying patient and loving even in the face of challenging behaviors—is a loving way to take that next step, together.

Looking for more information? Visit  zerotothree.org/coronavirus for our latest resources and updates for families.

My experience with online dating left me frustrated and upset, too.  That is UNTIL I stumbled upon Virtual Speed Dating!

Covid-19 has changed things, including dating.

My late husband and I met in high school and had a great, long lasting marriage.

Throughout our marriage, we had always wanted to help singles meet the loves of their lives, so back in the day we created a game show for singles called Icebreakers©.

Now, discovering Virtual Speed Dating has changed my whole opinion of 21st Century Covid-19 dating.

 It allowed me to see my own potential dates within a safe distance, in a safe spot from my own home! I met new people and bypassed the conventional chit-chat found in initial texting and phone calls…

 And I met someone!

I had so much fun that as a Facilitator of Groups, I have decided to begin hosting my own Speed Dating sessions for Orange County (CA) for Christian Singles.  I’m going to start with the 50 and over crowd.

Please check us out and plan to join us if finding new, genuine connections for friendship, romance or business within the Orange County (CA) Christian Single community sounds exciting to you.

Check us out on Eventbrite: 

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/virtual-speed-dating-for-oc-christian-singles-50-and-over-tickets-138092956751

1. Worthwhile Goals: Examples might be - Start a Business, Debt Reduction, Go Back to School.  These are worthwhile goals.

2. Achievable Goals: Goals that can be targeted and easily accomplished can be achieved.

3. Be Specific:  How are you going to do the goal? Example:  I am going to “lose weight”  by “eating whole foods and exercising”.

4. Commit to Your Goals: Dedicate yourself to the goal. Write it down. Be persistent.

5. Make Your Goal Public: Put it on Social Media. Tell your friends. This leads to accountability. This is what my Groups of Encouragement (GOE) do for the members. Please check it out: https://www.eventbrite.com/d/online/jeanne-gormick  

6. Prioritize Your Goals: Don’t choose too many.  No more than 3 at a time.

7. Make Your Goals Real to You: A Vision Board will help. (See mine above.) Put a date to it. Share your success as you accomplish each goal. Make notes of what you are going to do, when you have achieved the goal.

8. Set Deadlines to Accomplish Your Goals: Create a Plan of Action.

9. Evaluate Your Goals: How are you going to overcome obstacles for the next time?

10. Reward Yourself for Accomplishments:  Take the time to celebrate your success.

Thank you, Charles Muiruri (President of Christian Business Partners, Fontana, CA) for presenting today!

Below is a great article by Careen Strange explaining why Stay at Home Moms (SAHM) need the help and support of a Mentor Mom. What better way to get the support of both a Mentor Mom Facilitator and a group of Mom Friends than to join a virtual group directly addressing the needs of stressed out, frustrated Christian Moms. Find through Eventbrite Evite “Christ-centered Mom Friends Groups© Led By a Mentor Mom”.

- Jeanne

Finding a Mentoring Mom

September 24, 2019 by Careen Strange Family Tips

 When I was a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) with five little boys, I yearned for an older woman to talk to—someone who had walked the path ahead of me. I had a close relationship with both my mother and mother-in-law, but sometimes I needed a neutral voice to speak to my concerns. My husband and I were only children, so the chaos of rearing five children under age 10 was new to them as well as to me.

I never did find that perfect mentor. I read a few books which proved to be very helpful and opened my eyes to some things but for the most part, my learning resulted from on-the-job-training.

Women today have a plethora of resources, but mothers often experience a feeling of aloneness. It doesn’t simply go away by reading a blog or listening to a podcast.  What moms need is another woman who has walked the path to come alongside them and be their needed coach/encourager. 

So the question is, how does a young mother find that elusive older woman?

Sometimes it seems hard to connect with the right person, especially if you’re living in a new area. Where do you look? How do you start a relationship, especially when you might not know a ton of people? These suggestions might help.

Find a Mothers’ Group in your area.

Organizations such as Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPs) have been in existence for a number of years, and are a wonderful place to meet other mothers. In my own MOPs group, there is more emphasis lately on finding older women to connect as mentors with younger moms. In the first meeting of our local chapter, there were several older moms who were there for that purpose!

Begin with the obvious: Find someone you like.

We are naturally drawn to certain temperaments and personalities. Find a person you look forward to being with.

Make sure her family life is one you’d like to emulate.

Does her relationship with her family members exemplify love, honor, respect—in short, do you want to be where she is when you reach her age?

Seek someone who has had real-life experience.

Naturally, moms seek answers and validation from other mothers. The problem is, they are usually in the same season of life, and this can result in comparing themselves to one another. Sharing “mom-hacks” and other tips might be good, but hearing from someone who has proven herself in real life is essential.

Find a mother who will be honest with you.

You’re not looking for someone who simply commiserates with you. You want someone who is willing to point out blind spots for you and is willing to speak the truth in love. Allow her to do that.

Don’t hesitate to ask her to meet with you.

In the old days, young women probably bonded with the older generation as they stitched quilts or shelled peas. Motherhood is inherently lonely—a fact a woman doesn’t realize until she becomes a mother. Ironically, when our children grow up and leave the nest, a different kind of loneliness can set in.  Connecting women in these two seasons can be life-giving for both generations.

Realize you might meet a need for her, as well.

To reiterate the previous point: sometimes a “retired” mother might feel she has served, worked, loved, and sacrificed all those years and is full of good advice, but nobody cares. You might do her a great favor by asking her to share her wisdom with you.

Enjoy the relationship!

It will likely last for years to come. Next, to rearing my own family, my personal experience as a mentor to young mothers has been my most fulfilling role. The years slipped by quickly and now I’m still in touch with some of the younger mothers who now have grown children of their own, and they, in turn, are reaching out to those coming behind them. 

Maya Angelou expressed it best when she said…  

Some of the things I know, I know only because older women have told me their secrets.

I have lived and am living long so that I can tell my secrets to younger women.

That’s the reason we women go on improving.

A note about the author:

Careen Strange is the author of Hello, Young Mothers, an honest and comical look at the realities of day-to-day motherhood. She and her husband, Burt, have been married 50 years, raised five sons, and are now grandparents to 11 grandchildren. To learn more about Careen and her work with young mothers, visit careenstrange.com. 

Sign-up Today!

Beta Test a new Mom Friends Groups© Led by Mentor Mom Now!

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/christ-centered-mom-friends-groups-led-by-a-mentor-mom-tickets-132853695981

Start by using a credit card that gives you air mileage or cash back.

Then explore all the different coupons and other discount apps that are available.

This article will help you do this  “12 of the Best Cash-Back Apps of 2020”. Here’s the link to that: https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/cash-back-apps

Lastly go to https://www.truvvi.com/invite/7JKK89 to explore this great new way to get cash back (up to 10% back!).  You simply pay for the items through this app.  This is different from others in that you go through Truvii to pay rather than sending them a copy of the receipt.

So, as you plan your holiday shopping this year, figure out the store with a discount on the gifts you want to buy.  Check to see if the store is listed on the Truvii site.  If the store is listed you are good!  Pay with a cash back credit card, get the discount from the store and one of the highest cash back programs through Truvii.

It takes a little time, but I have found it’s really worth the time to get the savings.

Due to Covid-19, I was placed on an unpaid Leave Of Absence from my job, so I had to go onto a new emergency budget and apply things I wrote in Quit Your Job! You Really Can Afford Stay at Home Parenthood. https://youtu.be/hyYKXwhxtNQ

 I recently connected with Andrea Roseli (https://www.aroseli@primerica.com) who usually helps working families with investing for their future and getting out of debt. But in our conversation, she helped me further understand how to utilize app coupons and refund offers. She maximizes Target Circle Offers, so I decided to give it a try.

 Families can save much more than a single person can, but I needed to save in any way I could.   I am only spending money on food and essentials, so I focused on offers like 5% on storewide purchases; $10 off specific  food and beverage purchase; 15% off other grocery items; $.35 off peanut butter;  25% off lasagna; 30% off cranberry juice; etc.

I prepared my grocery list using their specials on only things I needed.  I stayed away from things I don’t need like ice cream and chips no matter how tempting they were. For the most part I also avoid processed foods, which aren’t healthy anyway.  Unfortunately, these are the most frequently discounted items.

After creating my grocery list, I went to the Ibotta App. This one of many Apps that provides money back for purchases made at the various stores that they represent.

So I went to the Target tab and looked through all the food and beverage items listed.  I focused on things like a turkey ($2.00 back); milk ($.10 back); butter ($.50); cheese ($.25); ground pork ($.10); avocados ($.75); fresh chicken ($1.25); chicken broth ($1.00); toilet paper ($.25); etc.

When I visited Target, I carefully compared an item with a discount or an item with a cash back offer to be sure that the store brand wasn’t cheaper even without the special offers.

Even for a single person I was able to save about $6.20 in discounts and $4.35 on cash back. That is $10.55 which I saved.

Grocery stores make it worth a bit of time in research too.  Be sure you register as a preferred customer to get deals at checkout. For instance, I just saved $25.39 on a $95.43 grocery bill.

Here’s a word of advice on cash back for purchases at big box stores. I just purchased a box of 6 packs of crackers for $9.49. I had a cash back offer of $1.00 per pack up to 5 packs. You sometimes have to scan the receipt and the bar codes on the packages. So I made sure to take out each pack of crackers up to 5 and scanned each individually. So I will get $5.00 back and I only paid $9.49.  That means I got 6 packs of crackers for the price of one pack at the grocery store.

So, imagine how much you can save buying for more than just one person.

The following is an excerpt from the book Quit Your Job! You Really Can Afford Stay at Home Parenthood! by V. Jeanne Gormick.

The Rich Spend Wisely...So Can You:  Before we get judged as grungy, second hand people, let me share some comments from an article in the Los Angeles Times.  Rose Apodaca in her "Comeback Castoffs" explains, "Filling homes with used goods is nothing new.  But instead of focusing on furniture 100-plus years old and designated antique, the Yokoyamas and Dyson are among those who find high style in a melange of knickknacks, pictures, toys and furniture only a few decades old.  The recycling revolution and tight purse strings of the 90's have helped fuel these 'early thrift shop' interiors that are as unconventional as they are comfortable, as quirky as they are endearing.  Dyson and the Yokoyamas don't discount the financial advantages of their eclectic decorating styles, but their decisions to fill their homes with secondhand finds also is rooted in the fascination with living among furnishings that are different, rare and have a little history--albeit often unknown to them."

Are you getting a little more comfortable now?  This was in the prestigious Los Angeles Times, after all.

The article continues, "'Easy and cheap' is how he now describes his interior theme.  'People get so over concerned with brand names, but a lot of basic stuff is better made,' he said.  'It's American made.  Now I'm almost obsessed with buying old."18 (And another one bites the dust of the second-hand shop!)

Some of Our Unbelievable Buys...We've accumulated many secondhand treasures over the years, but I realized we might be in trouble, when Tim looked around our living room and asked me if anything in the room had been purchased new.  It took me a minute, but some of the stereo equipment was the first purchase we'd made as a married couple, (before we got hooked and realized what a waste of money it was to buy anything new).

Over the years we've gotten antiques, camping equipment, desert bikes, radio controlled cars, a tile cutter for $1, office supplies, even a $500 Cadillac for our daughter (she didn't like it, so we sold it for $1,000), skis and winter clothing; furniture; a freezer; toys; how about a near-new lawn mower for only $5!  Some of the greatest things we've gotten include a ring Cal fell in love with.  It cost him 50c.  It is the ugliest, big fat ring I've ever seen!  But, as we discovered later, he made a true investment with only 50c.  We cleaned it up and found an antique rose gold and brass Spanish or Mexican family crest ring.  Thank goodness Cal didn't wear it, but I still have it as a symbol of our "saling" conquests.  We were told it's worth at least a couple of hundred dollars.  A neat benefit of purchasing these things is that when we are finished with them, we can usually sell them for about the same (and sometimes more, like the Cadillac) than we bought them for.  You can't hate that!

My favorite acquisition came in a $1 bag of old books.  At the end of a flea market up in Idyllewild, California on a camping trip, we could fill bags with anything and pay just $1 a bag.  I headed straight for the old books.  As we drove home, I started looking more carefully at my books and found one was from the library of Cecil B. DeMille!  It isn't worth much to anyone else, but it makes a great story and I really enjoyed reading it.  It's entitled, "The Revolt of Modern Youth" and was published in 1925.  Very interesting!

Maintain Your Standards and Still Save Money:  I jokingly say that I'm cheap, but I'm really not.  I do have my standards.  I don't buy food products at garage sales unless it's a lemonade sold by entrepreneurial kids.  I may be a bargain addict; but I never buy used drugs or cosmetics.  I never buy used things for gifts, unless the receiver enjoys antiques.  Oh, dear, did I say, "never?"  I picked up a whole box of beautiful, hand-crafted wooden Christmas ornaments.  I placed them into three separate bags and saved them for each of the kids' first Christmas as a married couple.

Consider buying gifts (new ones!) throughout the year.  This is great for gifts to be given to grown family members and friends.  Children are harder to do this with, since their likes and dislikes change so often.  I shop at sales and purchase gifts for birthdays and Christmas all year round.  This not only provides for overall savings, but it doesn't put such a burden on our holiday budget and it saves a lot of time.  By the way, I have picked up some nice quality gift wrap, bags and cards at a number of garage sales.  That saves much more than you can imagine!

Save at Swap Meets:  In our area swap meets have changed over the years.  They used to be like giant garage sales with almost anything you could imagine.  Now, they've become big business and are more like strip mall shopping.  The same vendors are there week after week and, though prices may be less than retail, you need to be cautious.  Unlike outlet stores, these vendors have purchased items in large quantities and they aren't always as particular about their reputations as larger retailers are.  Swap meets can be fun to attend.  Always get there early and be prepared to do lots of walking. 

Many items aren't marked, so be ready to ask and bargain on everything!  Many of these vendors love the sport of the deal.  Check out each aisle before you buy.  Sometimes the same merchandise is being sold at other booths for less.

Save at Auctions:  Cal and I owned a Goods and Services Auction business that benefited the nonprofit community.  If a charitable organization is planning an auction, you can offer to get something donated and go bid on it yourself.  Everybody wins.  The merchant gains community exposure, the nonprofit organization makes money and you'll probably make your purchase for much less than the retail price.  Sometimes, however, items do sell for more than retail because the audience is supporting the organization.  To save you money, this technique works best on unique or specialized items.  That generally reduces competition on the bidding.

There are all kinds of auctions.  Real estate, art, antiques, junk, office equipment, and automobiles are auctioned on a regular basis.  School districts, police departments, cities and other government agencies hold auctions all the time.  EBay and other Internet sites are another fun way to buy or sell things.  Check the appendix for further information on auctions.  Be sure to be prepared with proper payment.  Some require cash, while others require cashier's checks just to obtain a bidding number.  Always go prepared, so you aren't disappointed.  Also be sure you know the conditions of the sale.  Many times your sale will be final -- no returns, no refunds.  Most of the time you will be buying the items "as is."  Know the price range of the items you will bid on.  If you're not sure, set a maximum figure in your own mind and stick to it.  Auction bidding can be very contagious, which could be costly in terms of dollars.  In other words, control yourself.

Be particularly cautious at auto auctions.  We recently attended our first one.  Some cars didn't even start and those that did were started only.  You couldn't test drive them or even see if the transmission worked.  This could result in major repair costs on your otherwise "great deal."  Some were from a towing yard and had no keys.  That is an additional expense to consider.  Also be sure you know about any tax, licensing or other fees that might be added to your final purchase costs.  We recommend you go and watch the first time and take your money only if you feel comfortable.  Many times used car dealers will be bidding against you.  The prices may not be as good as you would expect.  Just go with your eyes open and listen to the Holy Spirit for guidance.

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Continue Reading Quit Your Job! You Really Can Afford Stay at Home Parenthood!