Take Your Time And Let The Relationship Develop
It’s recommended to wait at least 3-6 months before considering an engagement.
Those who date 1-2 years before an engagement are 20% less likely to get a divorce.
It was 2 ½ years for me as a young person and we lasted 50 years before Cal died.
My new marriage with Bill took a lot shorter time for us to know we would get married, but we are also in our mid 70s and were both coming from long lasting happy marriages. We know what it takes to be married.
You need to see each other in a variety of situations. How do each of you react to each other or to particular circumstances?
Important questions to consider:
Understanding Grief and the Past:
Grief and Healing:
How do you each feel about the loss of your previous spouse? How has the grieving process been for each of you? Have you sought professional help for grief if needed?
Memories and the Deceased:
How do you feel about the deceased spouse's memory? Are there specific things you want to honor or acknowledge? How can we ensure that their memory is respected while building our new life?
Moving On:
Do you feel ready to move on and build a new life with someone else? Are there any lingering doubts or fears about committing to a new relationship?
Expectations:
What are your expectations about the relationship? Do you expect it to be similar to, or different from, your previous marriage?
Future Family and Lifestyle:
Do you want children? If so, how many, and how do you envision parenting? If one of you has children, how will we blend our families?
What are your family goals? How do you envision spending time with family, including in-laws?
What kind of lifestyle do you envision for our future? What are your preferences for living arrangements, career aspirations, and leisure activities?
Financial Matters:
Finances:
How will we manage finances? Will we combine finances, or keep them separate? How will we handle debt?
Inheritance:
Have you addressed any financial implications related to the deceased spouse's estate?
Future Planning:
How do you envision our financial future together, including retirement planning?
Communication and Conflict Resolution:
Communication:
How do you prefer to communicate? How can we ensure open and honest communication about difficult topics?
Conflict Resolution:
How do you handle disagreements? What are your expectations for resolving conflicts?
Forgiveness:
How will we handle disagreements or hurts? Will we be able to forgive each other?
Other Important Considerations:
Personal Boundaries:
What are your personal boundaries? What are your expectations about intimacy and physical affection?
Faith and Spirituality:
What are your beliefs about faith and spirituality? How important are these to you?
Support System:
Who are our support systems? How can we support each other through challenges?
Dealbreakers:
Are there any dealbreakers for either of you?
By openly discussing these questions, couples can build a strong foundation for their relationship and ensure they are both on the same page before taking the significant step of marriage.